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Did Alan Carr play a blinder? Or could it be that the faithfuls just play exceptionally – I mean mind-blowing poorly? We will argue across online platforms for ages, but either way the champion of the inaugural – and likely not the final – season of The Celebrity Traitors is the deceptive Alan Carr.

Initially selected by the emcee, viewers assumed he wouldn’t last an hour. Nor did he. “I am nauseous. I’ve got a sweating problem and am unable to hold a secret.” Moreover, he is incapable of speak softly or recall if he obtained a shield.

Yet, in the company, by several of the least astute participants of the game in recent memory, he made it through, evolving into the role with terrifying ease. He concluded with a flourish, breaking out in somewhat fake crying about how challenging it had been for him to carry the deadly weight.

The last two loyal players, hurried to console him (“It has been ripping me to pieces!”). Audiences elsewhere, one could imagine heavenward looks and shouts.

The Last Confrontation

As things commenced of the final, there had been five remaining players of the initial nineteen. After one last collective task, involving a steam train, twenty thousand pounds in padlocked caskets, tools and tips scattered across the carriages, and two chain-wrapped coffins (“I assumed control a bit there,” says one participant of the opening. “Since I was willing to lose a finger”), they gathered for their last round table.

Two contestants made their selections for another player, regardless of the expert’s notable history of reasoning himself to every wrong conclusion possible. I remain firm in my view that this player would have made the most superb deceiver, but as a loyalist he was catastrophic.

He was able to vote for another contestant at the meeting, however, and she was correctly eliminated at last.

Heartbreak and Reconciliation

With four left. One struggles to describe to write about what transpired following. One contestant … felt a hesitation. A moment when he questioned his closest ally. A standout bonds of modern times, between the hugest man and the most diminutive character on TV, the rugby player and the brainteaser expert, staggered under the shock as the doubter turned over his last vote to show his best buddy’s name.

The eliminated contestant did not reel – he is not built for it – but were it possible, he would have. “But I love you,” the participant said, despairingly.

The ousted contestant left, the surviving pair thought they were safe and following a procedure entailing tossing bags into a blaze, the group agreed to end the game.

As the sole remaining deceiver, the champion was announced as the victor and claimed the full prize pot for the youth oncology foundation. Yet, the key aspect is that when the emcee guided the group to a gathering on the fortress stairs, amends was immediate.

Saying Goodbye to the Contestants

I am going to, together with the in excess of 13 million other viewers, long for each one. (Except for two contestants who lacked the occasion to achieve a lot, and one more who did not express regret for bungling a certain mission.)

I will long for the intense anger of a certain contestant, the Shakespearean sorrow of a different one, the utter inability of one more player to interpret events without self-reference.

I shall miss a certain player’s suspicion of long words, another duo’s humor, an artist’s sheer presence, a vocalist as the embodiment of everything that remains good in this fallen world, an experienced presenter as the small screen’s final performer, a gentle participant and the relentless avuncularity of a beloved figure, together with all the endgame contestants.

Most importantly I will pine for the poise and refinement of a particular contestant, so supremely noble even when shouting into a hole or farting in a shack. As the individual below the emcee’s tresses highlighted on multiple times, you were, largely, awful at the game. But you were great, great entertainment.

The famous-person version can be found for viewing currently.